Total transparency: I wrote this post back in October but forgot to publish it…oops!
My family recently had to put down our dog of thirteen years. His name was Snoopy.
I remember our first encounter like it was yesterday. I arrived home after a long day at work, opened the front door, and was greeted by a black and white dog running towards me while my mother shrieked, “meet your new brother!”
On the morning of his passing, my mom texted me a picture of him wearing a woven friendship bracelet around one paw. She told me my eight-year-old niece had made it for him to wear to the vet. *Cue tears*
She drew a picture of the two of them and wrote this heartbreaking letter as well:
After reading this note, I wondered what it was that my niece was sorry about. Was she sorry that my mother was sad? Sorry that Snoopy was in pain? Sorry that she couldn’t prevent his death from happening? I never found out, because I never asked. I never asked because it didn’t matter. The significance was not in the words she wrote, but in the act of her writing them at all.
Loss is a great learning opportunity. For many children, their first experience with death is an aging grandparent or ill pet. Use this time as a chance to discuss religious beliefs (reincarnation, heaven, etc.) as well as scientific facts (like plant life cycles). Conversations should be based around the child’s age, but discussing why/how death happens, and normalizing* it, is incredibly important. Below are a few ideas on how to help your child process their feelings around grief:
- Validate your child’s emotions. Do this by saying, “it is okay to be sad or angry.” Allow them to see you cry.
- Have an honest talk about death**. Answer any questions they have.
- Make a memorial for the one who passed. Collect items that remind you of that person/pet and place them in a special box.
- Draw a picture of, or write a letter to, the loved one. If possible, bury it with them, mail it to heaven or send it out to sea.
I imagine we are all grieving something during this 2020 holiday season. Maybe it’s the physical loss of someone, the emotional loss of freedom, or the spiritual loss of connection. Either way, please remember, there would be no loss without LOVE.
Stay blessed,
Ms. Jones
*Please note that traumatic events (pets getting hit by cars or loved ones dying of heart attacks/COVID/suicide etc.) may require the assistance of a licensed professional.
**For a psychologist’s perspective regarding how to talk with young ones about death, consider reading this NPR article.
Tutor Time Talk 